i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His hands were made for my vagina.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize