At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
