morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
