Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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