ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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