We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
