I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
