The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize