so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
