he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
