That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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