so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
