Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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