Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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