I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize