note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
