Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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