This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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