just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
