oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
