can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
