sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize