If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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