They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
