I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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