I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
