i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
