I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
