9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and she was petting her beer can
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
