I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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