you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've blown a few things in my day
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
