ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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