I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
