Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Randomize
