Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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