i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
