the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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