I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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