ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Small penises have feelings too.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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