im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
