Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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