Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
