im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
