I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
