How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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