He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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