Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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