Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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