our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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