1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
