Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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