My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
