i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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