i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
