I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize