I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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