The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
