we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
