So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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