this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
