I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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