ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
