HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
