you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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