She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
