mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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