Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
