The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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