I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
