I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
