He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We have started to decorate penises.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
