so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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