I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
soo... how was my night?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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