Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
