Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
