also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
