hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
