Duck Duck Cougar?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
