Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
