Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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