The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
