I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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