he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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