We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
