We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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