I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
