You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
