in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
