There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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