I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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