Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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