dude i'm inner monologue high
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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