one two three fourrrrnication!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
