I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
