thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
