tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
