I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
