i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
