The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
