fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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