Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
